I’ve been reflecting a lot on this past year and I have to be honest, I feel like I haven’t done anything. Yeah, I got into law school, graduated from college magnum cum laude and with governmental honors, completed and presented my senior thesis, moved to a new state, moved in with my boyfriend, finished my first semester of law school and bought my first car, but I feel very… empty. Empty is the best word to describe what I’m feeling.
These past few months have been a struggle for me, mentally, emotionally and physically. I’m constantly in inner turmoil. People have told me that law school does that to you, you no longer feel as good about yourself as you did in college or in high school. I’m no longer living up to my own standards and that makes me sad, too. I don’t know who I am anymore. Who do I want to be? What kind of person do I want to be? It’s hard to answer those questions right now. Maybe 2014 will help me find those answers.
Last year, my resolutions were to drink more water, do more yoga, laugh more and bake more. I didn’t fulfill any of them. How easy were they? Literally, all I had to do was do each thing a little more than I do now. I couldn’t even do that.
Since I’ve been doing all of this reflecting lately, I figured that 2014 will be the year for answers and the year for peace. I want to find the answers that I need to move forward in life. I want to make peace with myself and the people around me. I want to make peace with the decisions that I made, I’m currently making and the decisions that I’ll make in the future.
Here are more resolutions that I want to fulfill in 2014:
- Run a half-marathon. I need to start exercising. I ran a bit in college but fractured my leg, so I stopped running. I started up again before graduating and got runner’s knee, so I stopped, again. I always find excuses to stop doing something that challenges me and I need to stop. Taking on a challenge is a good thing- it leads to growth and strength. I get too frustrated when I don’t master something right away and I quit. This half marathon will be my challenge.
- Eliminate soda from my diet. I hardly ever have soda in my apartment and I hardly ever buy it. But when I’m at my parent’s house I always drink it. I don’t know why, either. I hate the carbonation, I hate the full feeling I get from it and I hate the feeling of my teeth afterwards. Not the mention it’s full of sugar and other chemicals that are known causers of cancer, diabetes, tooth decay and heart disease. Why would I even want soda near me, forget inside of me? Gross!
- Take my makeup off EVERY NIGHT. I have such a bad habit of sleeping in my makeup. I know it is one of the worst things that I can do to my face, but I still do it. I will take off my makeup every night before bed in 2014.
- Stop eating so much frozen food and have a healthier lifestyle. Since I’m so busy, I rely on frozen foods, like pizza, fish sticks, tater tots and veggie burgers, as meals. Yes, these are great in a pinch or on a Friday/Saturday night when I just want to stay on the couch, but these aren’t good for everyday meals. I want to eat more salads, fresh fruits and vegetables. I also want to learn to make more homemade meals. I have a few recipes that I can whip up, but you know what they say, variety is the spice of life!
- Stand up for myself. I’m that person who would rather be miserable if it makes somebody else happy. I don’t like making people feel bad for anything, even if their actions make me feel bad. When N and I fight, I always apologize even if he is the one who did something wrong. I don’t know why I do it. I know that I shouldn’t do it, which makes me feel even worse. I try and tell myself that life isn’t about who’s right and who’s wrong, but making my voice and opinions heard. There is no need to feel miserable in my own life. If I don’t like what’s going on in it, I can change it.
- Be happy with what I currently have and stop comparing myself to others. It’s so easy to constantly want something more than what I currently have. On one hand, that’s great, that want turns into motivation and determination. But on the other hand, never being satisfied leaves such an empty feeling. I set goals for a reason, to meet or exceed them. Once I meet those goals, I should enjoy the feeling of happiness that comes with it and bask in the moment knowing that I finally reached where I wanted to be, instead of immediately thinking, “yeah, I did that, but you know, it wasn’t really that big of a deal after all. Look at that person, they worked harder than I did and got farther than I did. My goal isn’t anything compared to theirs.” I’m extremely fortunate to have a wonderful family, a roof over my head, my health and the ability to get my education. My goals are not your goals, so why am I comparing myself to you? It doesn’t make sense for me to compare myself to you. Everybody comes from different backgrounds and have different abilities and use those different abilities to complete different goals. My goals are just that, mine. I will feel good when I complete a goal. I will not make myself feel bad that somebody else completes a goal different than mine. I will feel good for both of us for being able to complete our goals.
So there they are, my resolutions for 2014. If I complete even one of them, I’ll consider myself a success. I can’t change myself over night, but hopefully I can in the course of a year.
Anybody else have some resolutions for 2014? Share them below!